The Diary of a Nobody Page 9

  CHAPTER IX

  Our first important Party. Old Friends and New Friends. Gowing is alittle annoying; but his friend, Mr. Stillbrook, turns out to be quiteamusing. Inopportune arrival of Mr. Perkupp, but he is most kind andcomplimentary. Party a great success.

  NOVEMBER 15.—A red-letter day. Our first important party since we havebeen in this house. I got home early from the City. Lupin insisted onhaving a hired waiter, and stood a half-dozen of champagne. I think thisan unnecessary expense, but Lupin said he had had a piece of luck, havingmade three pounds out a private deal in the City. I hope he won’t gamblein his new situation. The supper-room looked so nice, and Carrie trulysaid: “We need not be ashamed of its being seen by Mr. Perkupp, should hehonour us by coming.”

  I dressed early in case people should arrive punctually at eight o’clock,and was much vexed to find my new dress-trousers much too short.

  Lupin, who is getting beyond his position, found fault with my wearingordinary boots instead of dress-boots.

  I replied satirically: “My dear son, I have lived to be above that sortof thing.”

  Lupin burst out laughing, and said: “A man generally was above hisboots.”

  This may be funny, or it may _not_; but I was gratified to find he hadnot discovered the coral had come off one of my studs. Carrie looked apicture, wearing the dress she wore at the Mansion House. Thearrangement of the drawing-room was excellent. Carrie had hung muslincurtains over the folding-doors, and also over one of the entrances, forwe had removed the door from its hinges.

  Mr. Peters, the waiter, arrived in good time, and I gave him strictorders not to open another bottle of champagne until the previous one wasempty. Carrie arranged for some sherry and port wine to be placed on thedrawing-room sideboard, with some glasses. By-the-by, our new enlargedand tinted photographs look very nice on the walls, especially as Carriehas arranged some Liberty silk bows on the four corners of them.

  The first arrival was Gowing, who, with his usual taste, greeted me with:“Hulloh, Pooter, why your trousers are too short!”

  I simply said: “Very likely, and you will find my temper ‘_short_’ also.”

  He said: “That won’t make your trousers longer, Juggins. You should getyour missus to put a flounce on them.”

  I wonder I waste my time entering his insulting observations in my diary.

  The next arrivals were Mr. and Mrs. Cummings. The former said: “As youdidn’t say anything about dress, I have come ‘half dress.’” He had on ablack frock-coat and white tie. The James’, Mr. Merton, and Mr.Stillbrook arrived, but Lupin was restless and unbearable till his DaisyMutlar and Frank arrived.

  Carrie and I were rather startled at Daisy’s appearance. She had abright-crimson dress on, cut very low in the neck. I do not think such astyle modest. She ought to have taken a lesson from Carrie, and coveredher shoulders with a little lace. Mr. Nackles, Mr. Sprice-Hogg and hisfour daughters came; so did Franching, and one or two of Lupin’s newfriends, members of the “Holloway Comedians.” Some of these seemedrather theatrical in their manner, especially one, who was posing all theevening, and leant on our little round table and cracked it. Lupincalled him “our Henry,” and said he was “our lead at the H.C.’s,” and wasquite as good in that department as Harry Mutlar was as the low-comedymerchant. All this is Greek to me.

  We had some music, and Lupin, who never left Daisy’s side for a moment,raved over her singing of a song, called “Some Day.” It seemed a prettysong, but she made such grimaces, and sang, to my mind, so out of tune, Iwould not have asked her to sing again; but Lupin made her sing foursongs right off, one after the other.

  At ten o’clock we went down to supper, and from the way Gowing andCummings ate you would have thought they had not had a meal for a month.I told Carrie to keep something back in case Mr. Perkupp should come bymere chance. Gowing annoyed me very much by filling a large tumbler ofchampagne, and drinking it straight off. He repeated this action, andmade me fear our half-dozen of champagne would not last out. I tried tokeep a bottle back, but Lupin got hold of it, and took it to theside-table with Daisy and Frank Mutlar.

  We went upstairs, and the young fellows began skylarking. Carrie put astop to that at once. Stillbrook amused us with a song, “What have youdone with your Cousin John?” I did not notice that Lupin and Frank haddisappeared. I asked Mr. Watson, one of the Holloways, where they were,and he said: “It’s a case of ‘Oh, what a surprise!’”

  We were directed to form a circle—which we did. Watson then said: “Ihave much pleasure in introducing the celebrated Blondin Donkey.” Frankand Lupin then bounded into the room. Lupin had whitened his face like aclown, and Frank had tied round his waist a large hearthrug. He wassupposed to be the donkey, and he looked it. They indulged in a verynoisy pantomime, and we were all shrieking with laughter.

  I turned round suddenly, and then I saw Mr. Perkupp standing half-way inthe door, he having arrived without our knowing it. I beckoned toCarrie, and we went up to him at once. He would not come right into theroom. I apologised for the foolery, but Mr. Perkupp said: “Oh, it seemsamusing.” I could see he was not a bit amused.

  Carrie and I took him downstairs, but the table was a wreck. There wasnot a glass of champagne left—not even a sandwich. Mr. Perkupp said herequired nothing, but would like a glass of seltzer or soda water. Thelast syphon was empty. Carrie said: “We have plenty of port wine left.”Mr. Perkupp said, with a smile: “No, thank you. I really requirenothing, but I am most pleased to see you and your husband in your ownhome. Good-night, Mrs. Pooter—you will excuse my very short stay, Iknow.” I went with him to his carriage, and he said: “Don’t trouble tocome to the office till twelve to-morrow.”

  I felt despondent as I went back to the house, and I told Carrie Ithought the party was a failure. Carrie said it was a great success, andI was only tired, and insisted on my having some port myself. I dranktwo glasses, and felt much better, and we went into the drawing-room,where they had commenced dancing. Carrie and I had a little dance, whichI said reminded me of old days. She said I was a spooney old thing.